The middle step

Yesterday I was translating Miguel at church. I stumbled quite a lot; I couldn’t translate the Biblical terms and Christian language. Also I couldn’t pronounce or recognize the characters from the Bible.

Yeah, on one hand, I don’t read Estonian and English Bibles simultaneously and I don’t tend to translate what I’ve read from one language to another, so I haven’t made all the connections to it, and I shouldn’t feel bad about it. On the other hand – I don’t read the Bible as much as I should.

I know I shouldn’t be hard on myself and make it a rule or a law to read loads but I shouldn’t be on the other extreme either with not reading at all. How come it is so hard to read Bible? I’m 27, I’ve been a Christian since I was 13 and still I don’t know how to make reading Bible interesting and encouraging. Gahh…

So yesterday Miguel talked about three steps Christians have in their lives:

1. step - Salvation - It's a moment when we give our lives to God and ask for forgiveness and then receive new life through Jesus.

2. step - Sanctification - It's a process of pursuing to be Holy and pure as Jesus was on Earth and is today.

3.  step - Glorification - It's a moment when we finally close our eyes on Earth and open them in Heaven to see Jesus face to face.

Often Christians (incl myself) take the first step and then start to wait for the third. But they don't take or walk in the second step at all. They don't study and learn Christ's ways to be more holy and pure in our daily lives. They just want to be in heaven already. But that's not what the Bible teaches us to do.

I’ve been too busy creating myself rules and plans of how to live my life and then measure my actions and decide whether I’ve been a “good enough Christian”. So there I am – leading and guiding and dictating my own life, while Jesus is sitting right next to me with a big big box of mercy to hand over. I’m too self-absorbed that I haven’t taken the time to receive the box. Yet it’s within the grasp, Jesus is right here and I’ve occupied myself with unachievable unfulfilling binders.

More and more I realize that God is a practical everyday God. I’m not trying to make Him smaller than He is but I’m trying to make Him bigger and more important in my daily life. I’m trying to invite Him to the problems I have that I’ve thought are too little to hand them over to Him or to expect a solution and wisdom from Him.

But it’s like with a new friend – it takes time to trust him/her. And it takes little tests and outreaches to understand and experience how much and with what you can trust him/her. It’s the same with God – I should create a habit of giving Him the stuff I want to trust Him with and with each experience and piece of information my trust should grow and the dialog will look more like a dialog and less like a demanding monologue.

Finally I’ve understood that I’m God’s child with a learning disability. It’s not permanent and it’s definitely not something I won’t overcome. But it’s something I need to decide to work on.

Like Paul, I too want to be found in Jesus (“that I may gain Christ ⁹ and be found in him“, Philippians 3:8-9) but that takes effort, trust and desire. Do I have it? – yes, more and more yes.