Deeper level of relationships

Every time I start my blog, I struggle with a question about the language choice. Should I write in Estonian or in English. Maybe I shouldn’t flatter myself into thinking that there are loads of non-Estonian-speaking-people that read my blog but I have a few friends who are dear to me and who are maybe interested in my thoughts.

Anyways.

Again and again I realize how important it is to talk about one’s thoughts and feelings to people that are closest to us. Yet the hard truth is that it is also the hardest to talk to them. Honestly. Why is that? I’ve been thinking about it for quite awhile now. And yesterday I wanted to explain to Liisu and figure out myself at the same time why it’s so hard.

I think one of the reasons is that the close friends and family know us well enough to see right through us if we are not totally honest or even if we are - they hold us accountable for what we say and are awaiting action to support the talk. And THAT is a lot of pressure.

That leaves me with a question – don’t I want my problems solved? What satisfaction do I get from talking to others about my problems, listening to their advice, if I actually don’t have any courage or desire to take action in changing anything?

But I do.

I don’t want to make any resolutions for this year but I have a strong longing for honest and pure and deep relationship with my closest peeps! (Did I spell it right, Liisu?)

I’m so thankful to Siku for telling me that I can be a real jerk at times. The fact that I’m a jerk isn’t a surprise to me. But the fact that others notice or are bothered by it makes it a real problem. And then I can’t pretend it’s not an issue to deal with anymore.

Even though I might get hurt or feel uncomfortable when people tell me something’s not right about me or I’ve done something wrong, I appreciate the tough love. It takes a lot of courage to say something negative about the other. It’s much easier to tolerate the little mistakes and annoyances here and there than actually address the problem. But how are we going to change for the better if we tolerate staying the same?

Hence the need and courage to do the same to my loved ones. People know that I’m very opinionated person. Strong opinions mixed with sarcasm and arrogance can be quite difficult to deal with. I’ve been told that I’m one of the only people that can tell them honest truth and people like that about me. BUT. I tend to give it even when they don’t ask for it. And then they don’t talk to me when they don’t want to hear an opinion that can be harsh. Something I recently realized.

One of the goals for this year is to be more approachable; to be more tender and loving; to listen more and talk less; to lose the arrogance of knowing best…

to be more like the Person that knows the best; to listen to HIM more and try to obey what He says.

So yeah. I wanna love my peeps better! Help me do it!