Mediocrity

 So this is going to be a very philosophical entry. Possibly doesn’t make any sense. But good luck reading it. :P

I had an interesting conversation yesterday. Towards the end we were able to label a subject that kept coming up again and again and it was mediocrity.

Recently I was told that I think too highly of myself and criticize others. I agree that from what I’ve said or done, one could interpret it that way indeed. But when I think about it, I was a bit shocked that this is how people see me. Who would want to be labeled as arrogant and critical person? And those others think that I think I’m more special than others? Not me.

I’ve been struggling with low self-esteem for a long time (oh, you know, various reasons) to the point where I thought that I don’t even deserve God’s love for me. As a result of different events and comments and thoughts, I’ve tried to deliberately practice the truth about myself and trust that it applies to me too - that I am a unique and special person, that I’m worthy of good and happy life and that I’m worthy of God’s unlimited love and grace.

Who doesn’t want to be special, right?

Now. When you take loads of people and compare them, analyze them and study them, you end up with the result that they each have something special about them but in general they are quite similar and not that special after all. People do great things, interesting things but there’s always people who do it either better or who do more things, which leaves you with the label “not as good as the other, not as special as the other, not as interesting as the other”. And you can’t argue either –cause you have facts telling you this. So to be special you would have to stand out, do better in your words, actions and accomplishments.

It’s not bad being an “ordinary” person. But is it bad to think you’re special, is it bad to think highly of yourself?

I think not. But I’ve discovered a key – The moment you think you are the only special one, you are delusional and not that good of a person. When you are the only person you think and care about and root for, it’s bad news. Soon you discover that you are the only one doing that and you end up alone.

The thing is – I’d rather think I’m special and keep it to myself, then place myself in the mediocrity world. The challenge is not to feel good about myself at the expense of others.

Would you rather think you’re one of the average people and have a mediocre life OR think you’re special and think that the events in your life make the most adventurous story ever?

Ahh, can’t express myself very well and you might even not understand any of it. But this is in my head as I go and turn my brain to lower voltage.