The hard truth

I know I have a good friend when he tells me something about me that I am not comfortable hearing. But I know it’s the truth and I need to hear it in order to become a better person, friend, daughter, sister, co-worker, a Christian.

And I heard another hard one.

Just two days ago I told Mann that this year I want to put an extra effort in being a good person – intentionally do good and say encouraging things and be the kind of person God would be proud of, that I, myself, could be proud of.

But you know when your self-esteem has been quite low for some time and it takes you forever to feel good about yourself? I do. I tried to intentionally start working on it – insert the thoughts that I am loved by God, I’m made by God, I am awesome, I am beautiful, I’m funny and smart, I’m experienced and I’ve collected some wisdom and experience over the years.

God surrounded me with people who lifted me up with kind words. But a problem occurred – I lifted myself up too much. I forgot that being awesome and beautiful and all those other things, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t stay humble and thankful for it and that I should lift myself higher than the people around me. I shouldn’t be comparing myself with others and thinking that I’m better at this and that and more successful here and there. I shouldn’t become an arrogant jerk along the way.

I will continue on pondering about this and try to make some changes about the way I think. I need to really think why do I want to be a better person – is it to be admired more or is it really to do good and be a good person to the core?!

I’m not writing this here, so you’d have to say that I’m not like that. No-no. I’m writing this so you would know where I feel I need to grow and where you can come and help me do it.

Thank you, my dear friend, for being loving enough to tell me this!

Thank you, God, for continually teaching me and molding me to be a better person!